Unrest
by Digimagic
Summary: Boy-love male/male KanAre Allen just wants to rest but Kanda deals him reality because ‘Saviors are not allowed rest’.


_A/N: Okay so I cannot stay on just one series right now. I'm currently going insane over D.Gray-man and Kingdom Hearts. Why I have no clue. It just kind of happened though I've been obsessed over Kingdom Hearts for at least two months now. D.Gray-Man has growing stronger since I bought two KandaAllen doujinshi at Anime Iowa! They are so pretty that I don't care that I can't read them!! Keep in mind these are both reoccurring obsessions. I've been in love with both from a long time now! Anyway I've been working on few a RikuSora (KH) stories but then this one needed to be finished and whined at me to do so. So I did. Anyways! Please read, enjoy, and review!_

_Warning: KanAre. That mean this is boy-love (aka yaoi)! That means male with other males in a romantic relationship! If you are bothered by that then why are you here? It's in the summary. Also rated T because Kanda cusses at one point._

_Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-man, sadly. Katsura Hoshino does. If I did not only would Kanda and Allen, and why not throw in Lavi too, be together, that would also mean that I could actually draw but since I don't, they aren't, and I can't. So I'll have to settle with writing and reading fanfiction, as well as the manga and anime!!_

_Summary: (Boy-love (male/male) KanAre) Allen just wants to rest but Kanda deals him reality because 'Saviors are not allowed rest'._

_Genres: Romance, Drama_

_**kandaallenislovethoughlaviislovetoo**_

_**Unrest**_

_Author: Digimagic_

_Editor: CyberDeletion_

'_Thinking'_

"Talking"

Allen is currently curled up under his covers, blissfully unaware of all else. He wakes up about an hour before dawn. After sitting on his bed and waking up most of the way, he decides to start his morning training. Upon finishing his morning thumb-ups, he decides to take a quick bath and then head down to the cafeteria. On the way down he gets his normal greetings: 'Allen! Good morning!' and 'Oh! Allen, 'Morning, have you seen Komui?' Allen always stops to chat with or help whoever stops him on his way down. It seems like everyone likes the little white haired exorcist. He's sweet, helpful, soft-hearted, and all-around kind to everyone. He never really complains and will always listen to someone else's problem if they need to talk. He's always willing to lend an ear or a hand and never complains, though his kindness has led to him getting hurt many times. Sometimes, he gets hurt physically, but much more often he's hurt emotionally, though he rarely lets it show.

After going to the cafeteria to eat breakfast, Allen decides that he should train a little bit since he has the time at the moment. As he starts to make his way up to his room, he walks by a window and catches a glimpse of the outside. _'Hmm… it looks nice out. Maybe I should train outside.' _So, with that decided, Allen changes his direction and heads outdoors.

Allen wanders into the forest and starts taking in the beauty of the forest. _'I guess I never really do come out here. I never realized how beautiful the landscape around Headquarters is.' _Allen continues to walk around, trying to take in all the sights, sounds, smells, and fresh air he can. A small, serene smile makes its way onto Allen face. _'Nature really is a wonder. It makes you think about all the things that are out there. How in a world so dark and cruel, a place like this can still exist, somewhere untainted by blood and darkness. It's nice here.' _Allen stops walking somewhere in the middle of the mass forest and closes his eyes, completely calm and once again in a good mood.

"Moyashi. What are you doing out here? And with your guard down no less."

Allen's eyes snap open when hears that voice; he found himself gazing upon the black haired swordsman, shirtless and sweaty from training. His arms are crossed over his wrapped chest. Allen swallows the sudden lump in his throat. _'I didn't know he'd be out here...'_ Allen takes in a soothing breath, trying to get his heart to slow down so that he could answer Kanda, who is looking at him expectantly. "I originally came out here to train but I kind of got a little too swept up in the beauty of the forest." Allen rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.

Kanda stays silent for a moment, then looks away. "Hn. Baka_(1)_ Moyashi_(2)_. You come out to train then go sightseeing instead? Do you know how childish that sounds?"

Allen's face drops into a frown as he sighs. He was hoping that Kanda would say something different; what that was, he wasn't sure of. Allen gives Kanda a sharp glare. "I'm sorry I'm childish to you. I guess I'm not allowed to take simple break every once in a while. Am I not allowed to take it easy for a moment? Do I always have to keep my guard up? Can't I be myself for even a mo…ment…"Allen trails off realizing what he just said. He didn't mean for all of that to slip out, it's just that he never seems to be able to control what he says and does around Kanda. Dealing with Kanda now of all times, with all the added stress from the missions, gives Allen a feeling that this was going to be taking an unpleasant turn for him. Coming back to Headquarters is his only rest and even then he gets little of it.

Kanda looks over at Allen and gives him a critical look. "First, I never said any of that. Second, if you can't handle being an exorcist, then quit. If you stay, _**you**_** will** end up breaking under the pressure."

Those words break the already thin line that was keeping Allen from snapping at Kanda completely. So, ignoring the underlying worry that was held in those words, Allen stares right at Kanda and lets loose. "Shut up! I don't give a damn about one word you have to say! All you ever do is insult me! I try my best to be like you! You, the perfect exorcist that everyone looks up to! You, who never fails! You drive me nuts! Maybe I can't handle being an exorcist all the time! Not everyone can shut off their damn emotions like you! Do know how badly I want to just break down and cry at times? But I don't! I try to be strong but it's hard! I never asked to be an exorcist! I never asked for this arm! But I have this arm and I am an exorcist! I don't regret it, but still! You don't understand how much your damn insults hurt! You don't have any idea how much I… I love you!"

As soon as the words leave his mouth he regrets it. His hands fly over his mouth as his eyes widen. _'Where did that come from?' _Until now, the fact that he's been in love with his fellow exorcist had been more of a subconscious knowledge. He's been so focused on being Kanda's equal that he never really gave much though as to _why_ he wanted to be. Before Kanda can say anything, Allen panics, so he does the only thing that comes to his mind: he turns and runs.

'_Why? Why did I have to say all of that? Why? I have no idea what he thinks of me and I just yell that at him?'_

Tears run down his cheeks as he dashes back into Headquarters. He doesn't notice a thing as he flees. He doesn't notice when Komui and Reever stop mid-argument and call after him. He doesn't notice when Lavi breaks away from talking with Arystar to run after him or when Lavi takes a hold of him and tries talking to him. He's too panicked and distressed to listen to Lavi. He doesn't notice when Linalee, Miranda, and Arystar join Lavi in trying to calm him his current panicked state. In his distress and need to get away he hits Lavi and breaks free from his grip. He continues running once he's free. He doesn't hear the rapid foot steps following after him.

Allen continues to run blindly through the halls.His continuous tears blur his already unfocused vision. Because of that, coupled with his slowly tiring body, he doesn't notice the water on the floor as turns a corner and immediately his right foot flies out from underneath him. His body hits the floor hard but before he can really get a chance to get his breath back he is yanked up by his collar and slammed against a nearby wall.

He finds himself staring into fierce gaze of none other then Kanda. Fear and, once again, panic fill his heart and he tries to struggle… to get away. This only results in Kanda pressing him hard against the wall. "Knock it off, Moyashi"

Allen, not being able to stand the intensity of Kanda's gaze any longer, turns his head to the side, resigning himself to the fact that he's not going to be released until Kanda decides to. He does keep his mouth firmly shut; it's caused enough damage today.

"Tch. Pathetic. You yell at me for stating the obvious, bitch at me about your petty little problem, claim you '_love'_ me and then run off. You have anything to say about any of this? No? Good, 'cause I didn't want to hear it anyway._(3)_ Do you really think any of us _asked_ to be exorcists? Do you think that you're the only one who's tired? No. But this is what your life is now, so just deal with it. I'm not perfect. I'm just better the cause I've been at this longer then you have. Tiredness, pretending, longing -- you get used to it after awhile. Saviors are not allowed rest; we're too busy carrying the world on our shoulders."

Kanda slowly releases Allen from his grip and takes a step back. His gaze is still and serious. His arms are crossed and his eyes are locked firmly onto Allen. Allen's questioning eyes meet Kanda's serious ones. "Kanda…"

"As for your feelings..." Kanda interrupts Allen before he can say anything unnecessary. "I can't say I return your sentiments exactly, but of all the people I've come across… I can stand you the longest."_(4)_

Allen blinks a few times then softly smiles in understanding. He steps over to Kanda, wraps his arms around his neck and softly lays his lips onto Kanda's. It's a gentle kiss and Kanda doesn't respond back much but it still makes Allen's heart flutter and puts his worries at ease…if just for the moment.

_**kandaallenlavilinaleemirandaarystarkomuireever**_

_(1) "Baka" means "idiot" in Japanese._

_(2)"Moyashi" means "bean sprout" in Japanese. _

_(3)No, Kanda did not give Allen a chance to actually answer. He was nice enough to ask and you expect more?_

_(4)Okay so maybe that's not true but it sounds sweet so deal -pouts- Also if you don't speak 'Kanda' that means "I like you too". _

_A/N: Okay so this went in a completely different direction then I thought. I'm not sure what happen to Kanda…or what he was doing most of the time but I kind of like this one. –looks at clock- Err…so that's why my body is yelling at me…it's 4 in the morning and I woke up early this morning. I think its bed time. I'm also working on two other KanAre (one may be LaviKanAre…I don't know yet…), so __**please review**__ cause that always encourages me to work more on my writing and stories! NightNight!_


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